By Rachel Rungdit, LPC-Associate
Supervised by Jennifer Buffalo, LPC-S, LMFT
So, you’ve been wondering if you might have ADHD.
Maybe your TikTok algorithm is calling you out and maybe relating a little…too much.
Friends might have made comments on your forgetfulness or scattered thinking.
Maybe, you’ve found yourself constantly curious as to why accomplishing tasks or staying focused has always been a little harder for you than it is for others.
Maybe you weren’t the loudest, bounciest kid in class, but you look back and realize how hard school really was for you.
Maybe you realize your life has cycled through waves of burnout, due to unconsciously masking to keep up with the social and professional standards of the neurotypical world.
Maybe, you have a new diagnosis that you’re not sure what to do with.
It’s all so new. You’ve made it this far in life – and now you are beginning to uncover a whole new (or maybe, not new at all) identity for yourself.
*queue: spiral of overwhelm & 7-hour research rabbit trail.*
Exploring ADHD in adulthood can be an overwhelming train of thought and surface a spectrum of experiences – imposter syndrome, grief, and relief – sometimes all at once.
So before we get too deep into this topic, let’s pause.
Take a deep breath.
Now let’s chat.
Curiosity: do I really have ADHD?
For many adults, the path to an ADHD diagnosis or self-identification begins with curiosity.
A conversation. A video. A resurfaced memory. An experience – something has thrown you (often unintentionally) into the journey of exploring neurodiversity for yourself.
Welcome to the club. ;)
You might notice:
- Chronic forgetfulness or difficulty following through, despite your best intentions
- Struggling to organize thoughts, time, or environment in a way that others seem to manage easily
- Lifelong patterns of zoning out in conversation, losing your stuff, or feeling like your brain works “differently”
- Ability to hyperfocus on things you love (for like, HOURS, without food/water/potty breaks) but have a hard time finding motivation for tasks you “should” do
- Difficulty regulating emotions, even for seemingly small inconveniences
- Rejection sensitivity or demand avoidance
Curiosity is a beautiful beginning to self-exploration. If this is the stage you’re on, welcome it. Let it be your guide – not a doom-scroll trap.
It is our human, evolutionary nature to notice patterns and ask questions. Curiosity, while sometimes scary – offers space for gentle understanding when we allow it. It offers space to ask and respond to the questions:
Who am I in this context?
How does knowing this help me better understand my needs?
How can I use what I am learning to better care for myself, and for those I love?
Imposter Syndrome
An unfortunately common experience for those with self-identified or late-diagnosed ADHD is imposter syndrome. Many adults dismiss their struggles because they’ve learned to mask so well that their challenges remain hidden, even from themselves.
The voice of your imposter syndrome might sound something like:
“I did well in school though – so I couldn’t have ADHD”
“I’m just disorganized and bad at adulting, not neurodivergent”
“I’m not as bad as that one person I know – maybe I’m just making this up”
Here’s the deal: internalized doubt (and ableism) are not born from thin air. They often come from a lifetime of induced shame, as research and treatment over the past 30 years on ADHD have been so limited – especially for women, non-binary, & BIPOC individuals.
ADHD doesn’t always look like the stereotype of hyperactive, disruptive behavior. For many, it manifests as quiet struggles with things like executive function, emotional regulation, and burnout.
Stereotypes about ADHD have ruled society’s understanding of neurodiversity – so it makes sense to feel the urge to shame or undermine your own cognitive experience. Now that we know this, we can begin the process of unlearning – and giving ourselves space to explore our inner questions with an open mind. 🌱
Should I get diagnosed?
Deciding whether to seek a formal ADHD diagnosis is a personal choice, and at the end of the day, it’s up to you! Some people find immense relief in having a professional assessment – it provides clarity, access to medication, and validation that their struggles are real. Others may feel that self-identification is enough, especially if barriers like cost, access to specialists, or medical skepticism make diagnosis difficult.
A few questions you could consider in this decision process:
- Would a diagnosis help you access accommodations or support systems?
- Do you feel the need for external validation to fully accept your experiences?
- Are you interested in exploring treatment options like medication or therapy?
Whether or not you pursue a formal diagnosis, acknowledging your neurodivergence can be life-changing in itself.
Grief and Unmasking
Realizing you’ve had ADHD all along can bring relief, but it can also trigger grief. You may look back at your childhood, education, or career and wonder how things could have been different with earlier support.
This is okay – it’s an important part of the process. Allow yourself the space and time to feel it all, and reflect on how this new understanding affected the past “you”, as well as the “you” now.
Common grief responses include:
- Mourning the years spent struggling without understanding why
- Feeling frustration toward systems that failed to recognize or support your needs
- Regret over past relationships or opportunities that may have been impacted by undiagnosed ADHD
At the same time, unmasking – allowing yourself to drop the learned behaviors you used to “blend in” – can be both liberating and terrifying. You may notice skill regression in areas where masking once helped you function, and that’s okay.
Healing often involves relearning how to work with your brain, instead of against it.
Self-compassion, support systems, & self-advocacy
Whether you pursue a diagnosis or simply embrace self-recognition, learning to navigate ADHD in adulthood requires a ton of self-compassion.
It’s okay to grieve. It’s okay to feel uncertain. And it’s okay to take things one step at a time.
Here are some ways to support yourself:
Find community.
Whether through online spaces, local support groups, or friends with shared experiences, connecting with others who understand can be incredibly validating. Which brings me to the good news! I am currently facilitating a free, monthly support group for neurodiverse adults who want a safe space to explore identity, relationships, and self-care. Learn more about it and join our free group here.
Experiment with systems.
Tools like body doubling, external reminders, and gamifying tasks can help with executive function struggles.
In my Neurodiversity Support Group, we will have community co-work hours dedicated to body doubling (aka…work on the tasks or creative projects we have been struggling to get to, but TOGETHER. Fun right? Join us here or by emailing rachel@luminarycounseling.com for more information.
Embrace accommodations.
Using ADHD-friendly tools like planners, visual timers, or noise-canceling headphones isn’t “cheating” – it’s adapting.
If accessible, a neurodivergent-affirming professional can help you process your diagnosis and build new coping strategies.
More good news: I am currently accepting new clients and would love to discuss the potential of supporting your ADHD journey in therapy. Reach out for a free, 30-minute consultation to see if we’re a good fit here.
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Final Thoughts
Discovering and exploring ADHD later in life can be an incredibly enriching journey to better understand yourself.
May we take the time to welcome the hard questions.
May we face them with openness and curiosity.
May we seek the care, the community, and understanding we need to support us in navigating this life. ☁️
