By Nathan Galvan, LPC-Associate
Supervised by Jennifer Buffalo, LPC-S, LMFT
Maya Angelou once said, “I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it.”
For those living with a chronic illness, disease, or disability, there are moments when the symptoms go beyond our diagnosis. Grief is one of those times—and it, too, can be chronic.
Grief is commonly defined as deep sorrow, especially caused by loss. Psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross identified five stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. While these stages aren’t always linear, they provide a framework for understanding the emotional weight of loss.
When we think of grief, we often associate it with the death of a loved one or the end of a relationship. Rarely do we consider that a chronic diagnosis can also trigger profound grief. The first stage, denial, might sound like: “The results must be wrong.” or “There must have been a mix-up.” Some may skip denial altogether and land in anger, frustrated at the situation, the limitations, or the inevitable changes ahead. Others may cycle through these emotions repeatedly, struggling to find solid ground.
Why do we grieve a chronic illness?
Loss. A diagnosis—especially one that alters the course of our lives—comes with loss. We lose the version of ourselves we once knew, the ease with which we moved through the world, the assumption of good health. Hobbies and passions may feel out of reach. Plans for the future may need reshaping. Even relationships can shift, as not everyone will understand the depth of this experience.
Grief in chronic illness is not just about what has been lost, but also about what continues to be taken, piece by piece. And yet, within that grief, there is also resilience—the chance to rebuild, reimagine, and reclaim who we are.
What does that grief look like?
Grief comes in many forms, from anticipatory grief—grieving before a loss—to abbreviated, delayed, inhibited, cumulative, and collective grief, each shaping how we process loss over time. Some experience grief immediately, while others repress or delay it, and in cases of multiple or shared losses, the grieving process can be especially complex.
Symptoms of grief can include emotional numbness, anxiety, insomnia, physical illness, or even panic attacks.
The type of grief often associated with chronic illness is anticipatory grief, affecting both ourselves and those who support us. Both sides mourn the loss of who we were, our independence, and the future we once envisioned.
How Do We Cope with Grief?
One of the most important steps in coping is understanding your chronic condition. Knowing both its current and potential future effects can help you navigate the emotional and physical challenges ahead. Research your condition, ask your doctor the questions that matter to you, and seek out reliable sources of information. The more you understand, the more empowered you’ll feel in managing your health.
Support is essential. Grief—especially the kind that comes with chronic illness—can feel isolating, but you don’t have to go through it alone. Surround yourself with people who can offer help, whether that’s assisting with daily changes, advocating for you, or simply listening when you need to talk.
Fear is a natural response to life-changing news. The unknown can be overwhelming, but reaching out for support—whether from loved ones, therapists, or support groups—can make all the difference. You are not alone in this journey, and asking for help is not a sign of weakness but a step toward healing.
If you or someone you know needs support, contact us at Luminary Counseling. We offer both individual therapy and support groups, including a Chronic Illness Support Group! Reach out to us at contact@luminarycounseling.com or Nathan@luminarycounseling.com if you’re interested.
